REASON 3: LACK OF SELF CONFIDENCE AND LOW SELF ESTEEM
Children are very sensitive beings because they are not just developing; they are actually absorbing everything from their environment from information to other people's behaviors, attitudes and responses. If children feel rejected, ignored, unappreciated or unloved they are bound to have a low self esteem and they'll lack self confidence. When a person's ability is unreasonably challenged and the person is made to feel inapt despite his capabilities, he/she in most cases will react in retaliation. Same is true for kids, in fact it is far more applicable to kids than anyone else. Some people might argue that lack of confidence and low self esteem are more likely to lead to a depressive behavior then an aggressive one. The simple answer is that it is very likely however, in case of children presenting a challenging and disruptive behavior is also extremely likely, as a matter of fact, it is evident in multiple cases. Consider a simple law of Newton, "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction". Now try applying it to a child's behavior, when they feel put down, left out, unloved, or unappreciated, they tend to exhibit an equal and opposite reaction by retaliating.
Children are very sensitive beings because they are not just developing; they are actually absorbing everything from their environment from information to other people's behaviors, attitudes and responses. If children feel rejected, ignored, unappreciated or unloved they are bound to have a low self esteem and they'll lack self confidence. When a person's ability is unreasonably challenged and the person is made to feel inapt despite his capabilities, he/she in most cases will react in retaliation. Same is true for kids, in fact it is far more applicable to kids than anyone else. Some people might argue that lack of confidence and low self esteem are more likely to lead to a depressive behavior then an aggressive one. The simple answer is that it is very likely however, in case of children presenting a challenging and disruptive behavior is also extremely likely, as a matter of fact, it is evident in multiple cases. Consider a simple law of Newton, "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction". Now try applying it to a child's behavior, when they feel put down, left out, unloved, or unappreciated, they tend to exhibit an equal and opposite reaction by retaliating.
What causes low self-esteem and lack of confidence? What's the solution and how to use it effectively to prevent misbehavior?
Children are very profoundly effected by the behaviors of adults around them and by those of their peers. They are at a very impressionable age. They take a strong impression from almost everything happening around them.
Discouragement and Lack of Appreciation
Discouraging a child from something which is actually quite harmless, simply means denying a child of his right to explore and develop. Discouragement leads to discontentment and harbors feelings of ill-will in the child's heart. In the long run, the child will be more prone to disobedience and rash behavior in order to get what he/she wants. Similarly, lack of appreciation, when it is very well due and well deserved, makes the child lose self confidence as well as lowers his/her self esteem. He/she feels that:
Such feelings lead to frustration, unresolved anger, desperation, helplessness and ultimately the desire to turn to something or some behavior which, although, is bad and unacceptable but helps them gain their much desired attention and even gives them a sense of empowerment.
Setting the standard too high:
Every child has his or her own strong points. If one is good in Mathematics, the second is good in Languages. All of them are not the same. They are all separate individuals with their own different strengths and weaknesses. However, some parents and even teachers, although appreciative of the child's achievements, consciously or unconsciously tend to set a specific standard; specific expectations which the child must come up to in order to gain their appreciation. This sometimes leaves the child quite unsatisfied, thinking, "Why am I not good enough for who I am? Why do I have to be someone else or someone better?" Eventually, behavioral problems or challenging traits might start to surface.
Children are very profoundly effected by the behaviors of adults around them and by those of their peers. They are at a very impressionable age. They take a strong impression from almost everything happening around them.
Discouragement and Lack of Appreciation
Discouraging a child from something which is actually quite harmless, simply means denying a child of his right to explore and develop. Discouragement leads to discontentment and harbors feelings of ill-will in the child's heart. In the long run, the child will be more prone to disobedience and rash behavior in order to get what he/she wants. Similarly, lack of appreciation, when it is very well due and well deserved, makes the child lose self confidence as well as lowers his/her self esteem. He/she feels that:
- my achievement was good but went unnoticed or unappreciated then why make an attempt again,
- if I will make an attempt again it will also go unnoticed,
- if my achievements are not good enough then I am not good enough either,
- I don't deserve to be appreciated
- I have failed. I am a failure!
Such feelings lead to frustration, unresolved anger, desperation, helplessness and ultimately the desire to turn to something or some behavior which, although, is bad and unacceptable but helps them gain their much desired attention and even gives them a sense of empowerment.
Setting the standard too high:
Every child has his or her own strong points. If one is good in Mathematics, the second is good in Languages. All of them are not the same. They are all separate individuals with their own different strengths and weaknesses. However, some parents and even teachers, although appreciative of the child's achievements, consciously or unconsciously tend to set a specific standard; specific expectations which the child must come up to in order to gain their appreciation. This sometimes leaves the child quite unsatisfied, thinking, "Why am I not good enough for who I am? Why do I have to be someone else or someone better?" Eventually, behavioral problems or challenging traits might start to surface.
Solution
1. Acceptance: Accept your child for who he/she is, with all his natural strengths and weaknesses. Love for a child must be unconditional. The degree of love must not be dependent upon how well a child can do somethings, or his/her IQ level or grades at school. A child is a miracle of God with his own unique character and personality. He carries his families characteristics while at them same time maintains his own individuality bestowed on him by nature.
2. Encourage the strengths instead of constantly objecting on the weaknesses. If a child is encouraged, he/she automatically tries to keep up the behavior which gets him praise so eventually the weaknesses will fade away if the strengths are worked on, useful skills are honed upon and good qualities are appreciated.
3. Avoid discouraging or hindering a child's harmless innocent ventures just to save a few minutes or to save your own self a little hassle. Quite a few times, parents tend to stop children from doing things that seem useless, a nuisance or just a waste of time though these are actually a child's attempts to explore the world, explore his own interests or discover a new skill or even talent! Too much discouragement leads to frustration, a sense of failure or unfulfilled feelings and results in aggressive or passive-aggressive reactions in the future.
4. Giving the child a sense of responsibility goes a long way in improving their self-esteem and self-confidence. The proper way is to make the child responsible for a task which is age appropriate, sufficiently challenging but not beyond his capabilities and satisfies his sense of achievement at the same time. Make the child feel that you are counting on the child for that specific task and it won't work out if the child does not finish it responsibly. However, remember to be supportive and encouraging at all times and make sure the task is not beyond the child's abilities or else it will do more harm than good if he fails. For example, making a child responsible for taking care of a pet like either feeding him or taking him out for a walk for a specific day or days in a week, or making a child responsible for mowing the lawn on specific days in a month or watering the plants etc. The key is to make sure the task is age appropriate is achievable by the child given his capabilities.
CONCLUSION
Children must be treated with respect, love and care. They are as much human as we are, in fact the future lies on their shoulders so they need to be very well prepared. Their level of preparation and contribution towards the betterment of our society and our kind in the future depends on how much they deem themselves capable of doing so. This self-confidence, self-esteem and self-image is developed mostly during the childhood by direct and subtle indications by adults and peers around them. Lets help them develop a high level of confidence in themselves and their capabilities so that they may have a more resolved, confident view of themselves instead of resorting to unacceptable behavior to conceal and make up for their disappointments, failures and in-capabilities. Lets help them become self confident, self reliant, satisfied and helpful individuals so that they become useful, productive and positive contributors to our society in the future.
1. Acceptance: Accept your child for who he/she is, with all his natural strengths and weaknesses. Love for a child must be unconditional. The degree of love must not be dependent upon how well a child can do somethings, or his/her IQ level or grades at school. A child is a miracle of God with his own unique character and personality. He carries his families characteristics while at them same time maintains his own individuality bestowed on him by nature.
2. Encourage the strengths instead of constantly objecting on the weaknesses. If a child is encouraged, he/she automatically tries to keep up the behavior which gets him praise so eventually the weaknesses will fade away if the strengths are worked on, useful skills are honed upon and good qualities are appreciated.
3. Avoid discouraging or hindering a child's harmless innocent ventures just to save a few minutes or to save your own self a little hassle. Quite a few times, parents tend to stop children from doing things that seem useless, a nuisance or just a waste of time though these are actually a child's attempts to explore the world, explore his own interests or discover a new skill or even talent! Too much discouragement leads to frustration, a sense of failure or unfulfilled feelings and results in aggressive or passive-aggressive reactions in the future.
4. Giving the child a sense of responsibility goes a long way in improving their self-esteem and self-confidence. The proper way is to make the child responsible for a task which is age appropriate, sufficiently challenging but not beyond his capabilities and satisfies his sense of achievement at the same time. Make the child feel that you are counting on the child for that specific task and it won't work out if the child does not finish it responsibly. However, remember to be supportive and encouraging at all times and make sure the task is not beyond the child's abilities or else it will do more harm than good if he fails. For example, making a child responsible for taking care of a pet like either feeding him or taking him out for a walk for a specific day or days in a week, or making a child responsible for mowing the lawn on specific days in a month or watering the plants etc. The key is to make sure the task is age appropriate is achievable by the child given his capabilities.
CONCLUSION
Children must be treated with respect, love and care. They are as much human as we are, in fact the future lies on their shoulders so they need to be very well prepared. Their level of preparation and contribution towards the betterment of our society and our kind in the future depends on how much they deem themselves capable of doing so. This self-confidence, self-esteem and self-image is developed mostly during the childhood by direct and subtle indications by adults and peers around them. Lets help them develop a high level of confidence in themselves and their capabilities so that they may have a more resolved, confident view of themselves instead of resorting to unacceptable behavior to conceal and make up for their disappointments, failures and in-capabilities. Lets help them become self confident, self reliant, satisfied and helpful individuals so that they become useful, productive and positive contributors to our society in the future.