Hi Everyone,
Here at "Raising Them Right" we are discussing the reasons why children might misbehave and discuss solutions which might help resolve issues, bring harmony in the child and parent(s) or carer(s)' environment and help children grow up in a loved, secure environment allowing themselves and their parents' or guardians to enjoy their beautiful time of childhood with them. This is our second post on the topic. If you wish to read the first post and "REASON 1" please click here.
Here at "Raising Them Right" we are discussing the reasons why children might misbehave and discuss solutions which might help resolve issues, bring harmony in the child and parent(s) or carer(s)' environment and help children grow up in a loved, secure environment allowing themselves and their parents' or guardians to enjoy their beautiful time of childhood with them. This is our second post on the topic. If you wish to read the first post and "REASON 1" please click here.
Many children show obvious signs of disruptive behavior to seek attention of their:
- parents
- teachers
- peers (class/ school fellows)
Has your child shown the following types of "unexpected" behavior(s) at home/ school/ day care center or any other place like shopping mall, relative's or friend's house or at a party etc.? [Please note all points are not applicable to all ages of children. Younger children may be expected to do somethings within tolerable means like climbing onto a parent's shoulders or lap but older children e.g. aged 12 or above are not so please apply the following unexpected behaviors to your child according to their age]
- break a plate/glass or other useful but breakable object when they usually don't do so and are too old for being clumsy or mishandling things
- start screaming in middle of a conversation going on between adults
- tugging at a parent or caring adult's hand, shirt etc.
- climbing onto your lap when they are too old to do so especially in the middle of a conversation or other important activity you are concentrating on
- crying inconsolably without a reason until they have your complete and undivided attention
- interrupting conversations/ other important work by speaking very loudly and quickly
- writing or drawing on walls or furniture
- throwing food around
- yelling instead of talking in a usual normal tone of voice
- playing loud music
- making a mess just to get attention
- blocking drainage pipes etc. to cause undue trouble at home or school
- causing damage to school property
- causing damage to their own property when they are old enough to understand the importance of taking care of things
- crying especially when you give attention to a friend, go shopping, talk over the phone
- do something else considered inappropriate for their age and socially or morally unacceptable.
Why do children seek attention?
Under normal conditions, all children seek some attention (to an acceptable and age-appropriate level) from their parents, siblings, fellows, grandparents, teachers and other members of the family, class, school and the society in which they interact.
For example, younger children below three years of age seek more attention from parents, as they age they seek attention from other people, learn to play on their own and focus on activities without disrupting or excessively disturbing normal day to day activities of their family and carer providers.
However, some children just seem to be way too hungry for attention all the time! They would do anything to be the center of attention, even misbehave!
So what's the reason?
Most of the time (under usual conditions), some children seek attention because of the obvious reason that they are not getting sufficient attention required naturally for their social and emotional development.
Seems obvious? Yes and no!
Many times parents feel they are paying a lot of attention to their kids and working day and night to provide a better future for them and meet their basic and educational needs etc. Well guess what, read the above sentence again and you will figure out the problem yourself. Parents work day and night, without understanding that quality time spent with their children is much more important than trying to earn enough to pay for a proper care providing facility!
This is just one type of behavior adopted by parents while many others also cause their children to develop attention seeking behavior and activities for example:
spending too much time away from children, unnecessarily
Under normal conditions, all children seek some attention (to an acceptable and age-appropriate level) from their parents, siblings, fellows, grandparents, teachers and other members of the family, class, school and the society in which they interact.
For example, younger children below three years of age seek more attention from parents, as they age they seek attention from other people, learn to play on their own and focus on activities without disrupting or excessively disturbing normal day to day activities of their family and carer providers.
However, some children just seem to be way too hungry for attention all the time! They would do anything to be the center of attention, even misbehave!
So what's the reason?
Most of the time (under usual conditions), some children seek attention because of the obvious reason that they are not getting sufficient attention required naturally for their social and emotional development.
Seems obvious? Yes and no!
Many times parents feel they are paying a lot of attention to their kids and working day and night to provide a better future for them and meet their basic and educational needs etc. Well guess what, read the above sentence again and you will figure out the problem yourself. Parents work day and night, without understanding that quality time spent with their children is much more important than trying to earn enough to pay for a proper care providing facility!
This is just one type of behavior adopted by parents while many others also cause their children to develop attention seeking behavior and activities for example:
spending too much time away from children, unnecessarily
- not listening to their requests, instead providing for them what we deem useful
- not paying attention towards their small achievements e.g. a school drawing, a good grade on an essay
- forcing them to pay too much attention to academics and totally neglecting their recreational needs
- not appreciating them enough
- not encouraging them enough
- not taking part in their activities considering them to be childish ETC.
- not talking to them enough
Solution:
The solution is simple and easy: understand your child's needs for attention and cater to them accordingly. It is not necessary that children need some sort of surveillance system 24/7 but spending quality time with them in an appropriate way which boosts their confidence and self esteem would do the trick and save you all the tantrums and disruptive behavior you were previously experiencing. Use the following as guidelines and customize them to your own needs in order to suit your conditions:
Helping children understand and express their emotions, giving value to their tiny voice, making them feel productive and helping them develop conflict resolution skills right from the start will go a long way and prevent behavioral problems during childhood as well as during adulthood if they have acquired and practiced the right skills at the right time. You are there for your child...make them FEEL that you are!
The solution is simple and easy: understand your child's needs for attention and cater to them accordingly. It is not necessary that children need some sort of surveillance system 24/7 but spending quality time with them in an appropriate way which boosts their confidence and self esteem would do the trick and save you all the tantrums and disruptive behavior you were previously experiencing. Use the following as guidelines and customize them to your own needs in order to suit your conditions:
- Spend quality time with your child, everyday!: Take just a few minutes out everyday and spend especially with your child/ children, watch TV together go for a walk, read a book, listen to music or just sit and talk etc. This may be from a few minutes to any amount of time you can comfortably give to your children. If children know you are going to take time out for them, they will seldom misbehave and actually look forward to spending time with you.
- Talk to your child: Don't talk at them, talk to them. Humans have been blessed with the special gift of speech and language. This communication skill is often overlooked. Talk to your child/children about everything in your environment, everything happening in your life, talk about emotions and feelings and help them express theirs through words. This will not only reduce behavioral problems but help in their emotional and social development.
- Help them enjoy social situations: Sometimes children haven't picked up the social skills as well as we have expected them to. Help them make friends, take them on play dates, show them how sharing helps and help them enjoy their new found skill.
- Help them become independent: Children need to learn to be self reliant. They can do a lot more than we think. If we keep doing things for them without teaching them to do it for themselves we will make them to dependent. Help children feel pride in doing things by themselves.
- Appreciate their efforts
- Fulfill their reasonable requests and help them understand unacceptable and unreasonable ones
- Make them a part of your lives!: Now this may come as a surprise. Children may feel left out many a times, like when they are not allowed to participate in discussions, when they are not allowed to help around the house, when their requests are totally ignored and when they are made to feel that their efforts are futile and childish. Children need assurance, support, inclusion in conversations and considered a useful helping hand every step of their developmental process. Make them feel secure and "productive" rather than making them feel that they creating are an obstacle in everyday issues. This is of great value, not just for physical development but mental, emotional and social development.
Helping children understand and express their emotions, giving value to their tiny voice, making them feel productive and helping them develop conflict resolution skills right from the start will go a long way and prevent behavioral problems during childhood as well as during adulthood if they have acquired and practiced the right skills at the right time. You are there for your child...make them FEEL that you are!